Induction @ 39w..

Induction @ 39 + 1

So, on Tuesday 29th Oct we had the go ahead to go down to the hospital for 10:30 - rather keenly, we were buzzing the ward at 10:15. Got taken into a small room with just two beds and at that point, the other was empty. Sat around for a while and finally, around 12ish, a MW inserted the first pessary. And so we waited. The pessary was removed the next day, 24 hours later, and we were informed it hadn't made any difference. Blah. We were then told that at 6pm, the second one would be inserted. Meanwhile a rather hysterical woman was admitted, who huffed and puffed about having to share a room (er, this is the NHS you fool, not the Hilton) - eventually she was carted off to the labour ward. Hoo-fucking-ray and good riddance.

Spent a ridiculous amount of time on the monitor and made the unfortunate mistake of saying I hadn't been to the loo so they then insisted I put an enema in place and then they weren't happy to put the next pessary in till a few hours later. It got to the point where I had been on the monitor for hours and hours and I began to get VERY worked up. I was dreading the next pessary going in (completely overestimated my pain threshold!) so by the time it got to 9pm, I started to get really rather anxious. The MW on that particular shift wasn't very confident and double checked everything with a consultant and a senior MW - hence the delay. By the time they came to boot The Wife out around 10pm, I had an utter melt down and insisted she stayed. They fought me on this, stating the visiting rules to which I calmly informed them if they had actually inserted the pessary at the 6 hour mark, we would have been within visiting hours. Another MW came to argue this (she actually said 'don't cross the MW) to which I said fine, send The Wife home but we'll insert the next pessary tomorrow when she returns - after all - you've made me wait all day - what's another night? (This doesn't go down well)

In the end I got my way (kapow!) and high on gas and air, it went in around midnight. Back on the monitor for another two hours and then a dreadful nights sleep. 

When The Wife arrived the next morning I was extremely tearful, (probably due to exhaustion as I hadn't slept at all for a 2nd night and I had more monitoring early on) Wasn't allowed to leave the ward as apparently the consultant would be around to check me (they like to administer the next pessary, rather than a MW)

Around 10:30, I was informed the consultant was now available which surprised me as I had prepared myself for another days wait. Got puffing on the gas and air and was rather shocked in my drug induced state to hear him say he could break my waters. Looked away when he brought out the 'hook' - felt instantly calmer after he left, purely because we were finally moving forward. Lay on the bed for an hour or so, as my waters came. 

They then informed us we were being moved to the labour unit around lunchtime, which surprised us, as we have anticipated more waiting around.

Anaesthetist came down to do the epidural - after half an hour of jabbing at me, decided she needed fresh eyes and called down another one. ...

Who didn't want to do it, as I wasn't in active labour at that point. Argued with her for a bit and pointed out the consultant had written an early epidural into my notes. Could feel my anxiety levels rising but the MW then dragged her outside to see the consultant... who told her to just do it, which she did. Had various checks through the night (The Wife stayed around the clock) and didn't dilate very well at all. Was told that my final check would be at 11am on Friday am and if no more than 6cm, it would be a section. I was kinda hopeful at this point because I was asking for an epidural top up every 45 mins towards the end. Because I'd had the mobile epidural, I was able to get up, go to the loo (but that was it, due to the constant monitoring) 

Early Friday am I decided I needed the loo so hopped out of bed and er, dropped dramatically to the floor in a heap - my right leg has completely given way. Apparently it was a rather graceful fall, as falls go! MW called the buzzer and a few MW's and The Wife managed to get me back on the bed, from which I didn't move from till Saturday morning after the section.

Consultant came in, checked me and delivered the news we were expecting. Got taken into theatre - shook the whole time (think the quickness of if all sent me into a little bit of shock) - at 12:34 he was lifted out to the sound of The Wife saying 'Holy shit, it's a baby' (!!) - he was shown to me and then taken away to be cleaned and then brought back to me to be held, whilst they stitched me up. Felt very overwhelmed at this point - none of it seemed real. I was obviously elated that he seemed perfect and healthy but I didn't feel emotional, nor did I cry. When they finally took me into recovery, he was having skin to skin with The Wife. Then they put him on my chest and various people kept coming in and trying to show me how to bf but it was the last thing I wanted to do. I felt completely overwhelmed by the last 4 days, tired and panicked. I felt panicked I didn't feel the instant love/bond everyone talks about. I kept that to myself and quietly lay in the bed doing exactly as I was told (apart from sneaking sips of Sprite which was a total no no, apparently)

It was around 8pm, after all my visitors had gone when I managed to lift him (in agony) out of the cot and on to my chest....where I felt a BOOM and that boom was my heart exploding. I feel teary typing that... now I can't even believe after recovery I was panicked about bonding....

We had a few dreadful nights on the ward - I hadn't anticipated how hard it would be to pick him up out of the crib in the hospital when no one else was around. I was up on the Saturday morning the second they took the catheter out and threw myself into the shower but felt very, very fragile. We battled back and forth with trying to get him to latch but to no avail. Eventually, we had to give him a formula top up due to his glucose levels dropping, which broke my heart. The Wife arrived on the Sunday morning with high hopes of taking us both home. She found me sitting, sobbing, on a blood soaked bed (no one came to change the sheets) - it was also covered in L's sick. I was a mess because the MW had said they wouldn't discharge us until I could prove I had bf twice, unaided. I felt like such a failure and I was pretty broken, after 2 days of induction, 18 hours of labouring and an emcs. I just wanted out. I ended up saying I would formula feed, just to leave. I sat sobbing and looking quite vacant whilst The Wife gave him aptamil. That part is fairly hazy to me now and actually, even the first day or so - the memories are blurry - I think it is very much related to the pain relief and lack of sleep. We finally left in the pm and I began to feel so much better, the minute I was home and in my own surroundings. I swore I'd never be induced again straight after the c section but now life seems to have calmed down, I'd quite happily do it all again...

Mummy and Lochlan