An update....

...of sorts.

Where to start?

The Provera finally kicked in. And when I say kicked in, I mean, all singing, all dancing KICKED in. I bled for 12 days straight.

Lovely.

It gets better. A few days after that and after stopping the mini pill...I started to bleed - again.

I've had two more scans since then - I'm now back sniffing - today is day 8 of DR. As per the last round of Synarel, I'm experiencing extreme thirst, extreme tiredness and an extreme case of the boo-hoos. I cry at Extreme Makeover Home Edition (understandable), I cry at stupid TV adverts, I cry when I think of my Father, I cry when I think of friends who are no longer in my life. I cry when I realise we are out of decaff coffee. I'm a wreck and I hate it.

ANYYYWAY! We were given a very exciting package yesterday: menopur, (150) a sharps box, needles GALORE. And far too many boxes of Cyclogest for my liking (!)

We were told we could start injecting Wed. As in - tomorrow. As the nurse left the room to get some paperwork we both whooped out loud.... but en route home I was decidedly quiet: we have had so many setbacks - I couldn't allow myself to get too excited. Anyway, last night we had a phone call to say our consultant had changed his mind: to carry on DR for another week and start stimming in a week. I realise it isn't the end of the world. But I feel so very tired. Will we ever start? Will the false hopes ever end? I can't explain how it feels to someone who isn't trying to conceive: I can't explain to someone who isn't waiting to start, who has been pumped full of drugs since July, who, if I am honest is bubbling over with bereavement JUST how hard this is. I am in a haze of vulnerability. I feel isolated and extremely lonely. I don't feel like me and haven't for a while.

I really hope the end is sight.

NFC xoxo