Not a good combination.
Communication has, and always will be a top priority of mine. Be it in regards to my relationship, friendships. I like, nay NEED a constant flow of communication and am all about the detail. So far, I am finding out that not everyone communicates as effectively as I do.
The saga so far:
We had our initial consultation with our clinic back in March. We took half a day out to do all the necessary blood tests, undergo counselling and to have an internal exam. We waited patiently for the results to come back. (By waiting patiently I mean we decided to take a little jaunt to Cape Cod!) The results eventually came back: NFC apparently was in good working order.
We hadn't anticipated that 2012 whilst initially being named 'The Year of the Baby' has, unfortunately become 'The Year of the Big C'. So this has slowed things down our side. We have wanted to be there for our families through it all - and this has been a lot.
There has been much ho-haw over my blood pressure. (See previous post) - so I had it retaken for the 3rd time last week and it was the high end of normal but 'ok'.... so the OD nurse said it was all fine. The OD nurse also said to be in contact on Day 2 of my period so they could start me on birth control for the first part of IVF. This is actually in contradiction to what I was told @ the consultation - I was told then I wouldn't require birth control but that I'd go straight onto the nasal spray. Whatever.
Today The Wife emailed and asked whether she can collect the pill during her lunch break or after work. The OD nurse says she needs the consultant to review the file. At this point I start puffing into a paper bag. I thought he already signed it all off? Why review again? She eventually comes back and says he doesn't want to put me on birth control (make up your mind!!!!) and I am reverting back to nasal spray (commonly referred to as 'sniffing')
She then says:
He wants you to start on your next cycle.
As in - not today. As in next month. As in - all weekend we have been discussing and pondering and now....no. You need to wait. My cycle is also extremely long. So the chances are... my AF will be starting again, quite possibly, end of August.
I am trying to remain calm. I am trying not to do something rash. (I want to tell them to f*ck off at this point, and change clinics)
I am hormonal. I am in pain. I am emotional because I am disappointed. I am emotional because of the C thing. I HATE feeling overwhelmed and I HATE feeling irrational. I'm also scared to death that if I can't deal with this kind of crap - how the hell will I cope when stimming, or when I see a BFN?
I also feel a bit controlled....which is a trigger for me. I know in my heart we can't really go to a new clinic. It would mean re-doing all tests. It would mean possibly having to choose a new sperm bank. It would mean that time would continue to march on and we'd loose our momentum. I hate this.