About Me

A 30 something lesbian coffee drinker from London attempting to record and share our ttc journey. Hobbies and activities - dining out with The Wife, increasing our carbon footprint, napping, over sharing on Facebook, hunting for decent second hand book shops, pretending to knit.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012


I've been quiet in blog land because well, once you've miscarried there isn't much else to say. Initially I felt 'fine' and then 3 weeks later it hit me. I felt like I'd been run over with a truck. I've been posting on my usual fertility forum and wanted to copy and paste what I had posted re: the miscarriage.

And yes: we are heading back for IVF #2 in February.

NFC xxx (no longer on the decaf!)

At what stage did you discover the pregnancy was not viable?:
We went for a scan at almost 9 weeks - we had already seen the heartbeat a few weeks before so felt excited to see our baby again. However I did feel a little nervous....

Had you been spotting/cramping prior to that?:
.....As I had started spotting 3 days before the scan. I had also bled a little at 4 weeks so was trying to convince myself it was the norm.

Did you still have any/all pregnancy symptoms prior to that?:
I'd had a little sickness but not a lot. I also craved sugar and was extremely tired all the time. My boobs were also huge and I had to wear a bra to bed for comfort.

Did you have a D&C/ERPC immediately? What were your reasons for that? (to help others to decide):
At the scan they gave us our three options and I initially said I wanted a ERPC. I just felt overwhelmed and the idea of going home to 'wait' just felt like such a huge task, emotionally and physically. I also wanted to ensure that all the products had gone to avoid infection. They booked me in for 2 days later.

Did you wait for a natural miscarriage? How long did you wait before bleeding began? What was the bleeding like, how heavy? Did you know when you had passed tissue? Did you successfully pass all products or did you end up needing D&C anyway?:
We drove home after the scan in shock. Almost immediately I started to get on off AF type pains. Nothing unbearable which was a relief as I'd read all the horror stories of women rolling around on the floor in agony. So I took some codeine and told my DP that this could go on for weeks and that we should go out for lunch. (To this day I think I was in shock) - so we drove to Putney in SW London and parked the car. During the journey I had a few more pains but again, it was bearable. We parked the car and started to walk towards our destination and I literally felt something fall from inside of me....inside my underwear. It felt like a mass in between my legs. I was panicked at this point, a little hysterical. We walked straight into the nearest bar and went into a cubicle together and there it was: the gestational sac. I wasn't sure at that point but looking back it should have been obvious. We flushed it down the loo without much investigation - something I hugely regret but again, you just don't know what to do at the time. We went back to the car and I told my DP I'd need to sit on her jumper as I knew I'd bleed all the way home - which I did. I bled hrough my clothes, her jumper and all over the car seat. It looked like a massacre.

All in all (natural, medicated or D&C) how long including spotting did you bleed for?:
That night, I was up as down every 30 mins whilst clots just fell out of me - If I had to describe what they looked like.....I'd say pieces of liver. They were HUGE - I didn't think it was possible to pass so many products. I went through 2 packets of nighttime pads that evening and bled steadily through the night. I passed one last clot in the middle of the night and nearly fainted and managed to get myself back to bed. The next day I continued to bleed as if it were a normal period - for about another 4 days - and then it stopped immediately.

How long to you physically felt yourself again?:
It's been just over 2 weeks and I still don't feel myself. I feel run down, flu-like. I keep getting AF pains/lower back pains. I feel tired, weary and obviously emotional which hits me at the most random times. I also look very bloated esp in the evening.

Any other advice/information you can offer girls going through this for the first time?:
Talk about how you are feeling. Rest. Remember each experience is different and there is no right or wrong way to deal with the physical aspect of the mc and also the aftermath. Mostly...it may feel like the end of the world but it isn't - and you will get through it.


  1. I was worried having not heard anything from you for awhile. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that. It's horrible. I can't even imagine the heartache and trauma you must be feeling. I have no doubt you have lots of great supports around you right now and I hope you are coping ok on the days when you're home alone. I'm thinking of you and hope that on the other side of all this pain you will find the wonderful things that are waiting for you xxx

  2. Oh no, I was starting to get worried too...I'm so sorry to have to say sorry :( May peace find you soon & may you feel ready to get back on the crazy train before you know it! Thinking of you from across the sea...sending some extra hugs with this post too!

  3. I am so sorry. I was worried about you two. You are both in my thoughts and I hope you too find the strength to keep going. You two are wonderful. Thinking of you.